Paris gets reduced jail sentence for showing up to court hearing.

May 17, 2007 at 5:38 pm (pop culture, snark)

Wow. Did I call it or did I call it? This heifer gets her sentence cut in half merely for doing something that, last time I checked, is mandatory – showing up to court. Or perhaps the judge realized how much “beauty and excitement” she brings to the world and took pity on her because, really, what would all of us be doing without Paris’ wacky shananigans and tomfoolery to report on. No, I’m serious about that part.

This is an excerpt from her MySpace petition – penned by her – to convince the Governator to pardon her.

“Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives… We, the American public who support Paris, are shocked, dismayed and appalled by how Paris has been the person to be used as an example that Drunk Driving is wrong… This petition is to ask Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to pardon Paris Hilton for her mistake. Please allow her to her return to her career and life.”

(insert your own cleverly constructed zinger about how much of a self-absorbed twat she is, here)

She will also be place in a special housing unit for law enforcement officers, celebrities and other high profile inmates, which is a good thing because as much as she annoys me I don’t necessarily want to see her get a prison beat down. Unless it’s taped. And I can watch it. Or they turn it into a Paris Hilton Prison Survivor reality show, which would be pretty fucking cool.

I digress.

Alas, it looks like Paris will still have to attempt the act of contemplation for nearly a month as she stares at the wall in her jail cell, brushing her extentions and muttering “This is so NOT hot.”

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